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Real life Dilbert type Managers
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A MAGAZINE
RECENTLY RAN A "DILBERT QUOTES" CONTEST. THEY WERE LOOKING FOR
PEOPLE TO SUBMIT QUOTES FROM THEIR REAL-LIFE DILBERT-TYPE MANAGERS. HERE ARE
THE TOP TEN FINALISTS:
1. "As of
tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual
security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will
receive their cards in two weeks." –submitted by Fred Dales, Microsoft
Corp. in
2. "What I
need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." -Lykes Lines Shipping.
3. "E-mail
is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only
for company business." -Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company.
4. "This
project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere
with it." -Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service.
5. "Doing
it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." -Plant manager, Delco
Corporation.
6. "No one
will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it
for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when
it's time to tell them." - R&D
supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.
7. Quote from
the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." -Marketing
executive, Citrix Corporation.
8. My sister
passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he
said she died on purpose so that I ???? He then
asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would
be better for me." -Shipping executive, FTD Florists.
9. "We know
that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it
with the employees." -Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division.
10. One day my
Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was
working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said,
"If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for
it!" -Hallmark Cards executive.