Church Bloopers

 

The following excerpts are bloopers from church bulletins:

 

·        Low self-esteem support group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

·        Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

·        Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.

·        The sermon topic will be What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.

·        Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

·        Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

·        Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

·        Don't let worry kill you off. Let the church help.

·        The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

·        The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast
next Sunday morning.

·        The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

·        Ushers will eat latecomers.

·        For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

·        The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

·        The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

·        Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"

·        Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

·        The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

·        A song feast was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

·        On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.

·        Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow.

·        8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

·        The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

 

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