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Christmas Party Invitation
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SUBJECT: THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE:
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the Company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd, starting at
There will be a Cash Bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional Carols .... Please feel free
to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa
Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at
This gathering is only for employees!
The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE:
RE:
In no way was yesterday's Memo intended to exclude our Jewish
Employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday
Party". The same policy applies to any other employees who are not
Christians. There will be no Christmas Tree
or Christmas Carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE:
RE:
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since
the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe
$10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE:
RE:
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th
begins the Muslim Holy Month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the Party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year
does not accommodate our Muslim Employees' beliefs; perhaps the Grill House can
hold off on serving your meal until the end of the Party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.
Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the Dessert Buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest
to the Toilets.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit
with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes,
there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person
asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we
suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will
be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the Restaurant cannot supply "No
Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE:
RE: The F******
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
keep this Party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** Salad Bar, including Organic
Tomatoes. But you know Tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday,
The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE:
RE: Pauline Lewis and
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Happy Holidays!
John